


Killian Has A Bad Day

by finx



Series: It's All Fun And Games Until Someone Loses A kKsHKssShKsskK [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: (she's technically in this one but she's unconscious for the whole thing), Behind the Scenes, Canon Compliant, Canon-adjacent, F/F, Gen, and I guess spoilers for Crystal Kingdom in the form of Carey's existence, and the fact that shippy stuff happens with her, non-graphic depictions of ineffective violence, spoilers through the first Lunar Interlude, takes place during canon but in a part we don't know about while canon is happening, what do you call it when it's like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-06 02:33:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12807729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finx/pseuds/finx
Summary: Magic Brian worked for the Bureau – he was Killian's friend. He was her friend, he was a delight and a sweetheart and he was doing good in the world, just like the rest of them. He was her friend, and now it's Killian's job to track him down and, if necessary, kill him.It's not been a good day.





	Killian Has A Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [It's Fucked Up Sometimes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12642114) by [Blizardstar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizardstar/pseuds/Blizardstar). 



Carey took three magic missiles straight to the chest, and Killian’s heart stopped. The whole world slowed and narrowed to the single, horrible image of Carey staggering back, gasping for breath, perilously close to the cliff’s edge. Killian lunged forward without conscious thought, hurtling forward on clumsy feet, unable to think of anything but the way Carey still hadn’t righted herself, and if she took just one more step backward—if Killian couldn’t get to her in time—

“Oh dear, now that won’t do,” Brian said disapprovingly. He waved his staff and spoke an incantation. Writhing purple streamers of light shot out of the staff and flew through the air to wrap around Carey, tightening around her like ropes and yanking her forward, toward Brian. 

Toward Brian, and away from the edge. Killian stumbled and almost fell as every bone in her body went weak with relief. “Thank you,” she blurted out before she could stop herself.

No one heard her. Just as she spoke, Carey started screaming.

Killian had her crossbow up and cocked in a heartbeat. She’d hesitated to shoot Brian before, but now, with Carey suspended in the air and screaming like her lungs were being ripped out of her chest, Killian fired right at Brian’s heart.

The bolt came within an inch of his cape and swerved away, careening off to the side and clattering ineffectually against a boulder. “It’s magic, darling,” Brian reminded her as Killian swore and lined up another bolt. “Good shot, though, very good shot. Now please don’t do it again, dear, I need to concentrate. She’s not supposed to be in any pain.”

Killian fired the second bolt before Brian was finished talking. It glanced off as well, this time flying off the edge of the cliff into the abyss beyond. Brian waved his hand over his staff, frowning in fierce concentration. Before Killian could fire a third bolt, Carey stopped screaming, so suddenly that the silence echoed against the granite boulders all around them, and hung limply in the air. The purple streamers lowered Carey gently to the ground.

Killian ran to Carey’s side, and Brian didn’t try to stop her. The purple streamers drew away from Carey’s still form and slid back to Brian’s staff as Killian felt desperately for a pulse, watched Carey’s chest for the slightest sign of breath. She couldn’t stop saying, “Don’t go don’t go don’t you _dare_ go without me, don’t you dare.”

After a minute Carey stirred, and moaned, a weak, pained sound. Killian nearly sobbed. Instead she lifted her crossbow once more and pointed it up at Brian, who was hovering anxiously over the two of them, and demanded, “What did you do?”

“I’m afraid she had a terribly bad reaction,” Brian said, distressed, which was no explanation at all. “That was not even remotely what I intended. I have a healing potion in my bag, Killian dear, if you don’t mind?” Brian reached for the bag at his side, and Killian bared her teeth in a wordless snarl. Brian froze, and said, “Please, Killian, I think she’s hurt very badly.”

Carey moaned again, almost a whimper. Killian grit her teeth and nodded, though she kept the crossbow leveled on Brian. He pulled a vial of red liquid from the bag at his side and offered it to her. “Put it on the ground,” Killian said, “and keep your hands where I can see them.”

Brian did as she asked, and Killian grabbed the vial and uncorked it with one hand, keeping her eyes fixed firmly on Brian. Beside her, Carey’s breaths were coming in short, shallow gasps. 

Killian sniffed at the vial, checking for the sharp scent of garlic that marked all of the Bureau’s healing potions. Brian looked wounded. “I didn’t lie about the potion,” he protested. “I don’t want to _hurt_ either of you, I hope you understand.”

“If you don’t want to hurt people, you shouldn’t be going after the relic,” Killian growled. She felt awkwardly for Carey’s face with the hand not holding up the crossbow, trying to find her lips by feel so she could pour in the healing potion.

“No no no,” Brian laughed, as if this was all some misunderstanding. “Don’t you see, I’m going to use the relic to make sure nobody ever gets hurt again. That’s all, darling, it really is.”

“Then why did you run away?” Killian demanded. She found Carey’s lips and started maneuvering the vial into place so she could tip the potion into Carey’s mouth. “Keeping people safe is what we _do,_ Brian, you don’t have to leave the Bureau for that. Come back with me, and we’ll make sure everyone stays safe.”

Brian frowned. “The Bureau…the Bureau keeps people safe. Then why…”

He trailed off, looking away as if he was trying to figure something out. Killian opened her mouth to answer, to urge him again to come back, but Brian beat her to it. “The Bureau keeps the whole world safe,” he said, sounding confused. “Why on earth would I fight against the Bureau?”

Killian stared. He wasn’t talking to her – he seemed to have forgotten she was even there. He cocked his head, as if he was puzzling through something – or as if he was listening to someone. Brian’s expression cleared. “Of course,” he said, nodding, “of course of course, you’re absolutely right, darling, I see your point completely.” He turned back to Killian, and smiled sunnily. “It’s alright, dear,” he told her, “I’ll take care of everything. Now if you could please hurry up and and heal Carey, I need to go and I’m quite worried about her.”

Killian gaped at him. “Go on,” Brian prompted. 

Killian poured the potion into Carey’s mouth. “Excellent, thank you,” Brian said, “Now let’s just be sure she’s alright—”

“Who were you talking to?”

“Hmm? What’s that, darling?”

“Just now. Who were you talking to?”

“Oh that’s just the relic.”

“The _what?”_ Killian screeched.

“The relic,” Brian repeated, waving a hand dismissively. “How did you think I knew where to find it?”

“The relic’s talking to you in your _head?”_

Brian nodded happily. “You remember last week, dear, when the Director asked me to reach out for the relics’ auras? Well, I found one! And it turns out they reach back!”

He sounded delighted by this, as if he was telling her that he’d made a new friend, and not that the devastatingly powerful weapons that had razed the world nearly to the ground were _sentient._ Killian stared, horrified, and couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

“Ooh good, it looks like Carey’s alright,” Brian said, clapping his hands together. Killian looked down immediately, but Carey was still unconscious. The pain had smoothed out of her face, though, and her breathing was steady once more.

Killian had glanced down at Carey unthinkingly. When she remembered herself and looked back up, bare seconds later, Brian was already several feet away. “Don’t you move!” Killian roared at him, surging to her feet. “She’s still unconscious, Brian, what the fuck did you do?”

“Oh yes, Carey won’t wake up for another hour,” Brian said. “She’s quite alright, though, quite alright. Just don’t leave her alone, okay dear? These are dangerous mountains, you never know what might happen. Now I really must be going, I have a terribly shady smuggler to meet. Bye-ee!”

And with that, he ducked behind a boulder as tall as he was and out of sight. Killian rushed after him, but when she rounded the boulder he was gone. She couldn’t give chase. Brian was right, unfortunately – she couldn’t leave Carey here alone if she’d wanted to, not when Carey couldn’t protect herself. Killian swore on every god she could think of. She switched the crossbow to her other hand to push her sleeve up, still swearing, and poked her bracer a couple times to summon a bubble. 

She could have killed him, she realized as she waited for the signal to patch through. She could have shot Brian while they were waiting for Carey to get better. At such close range, even his magic armor wouldn’t have helped him. He was hurt enough from their fight that, even if it hadn’t been enough to kill him, he would have been slowed down, maybe enough for her to knock him out and get him back to the base.

But she hadn’t even thought to do it, once Carey was no longer screaming. She’d had him in her sights, at _point blank range,_ and she hadn’t done a thing.

**

Three weeks ago, Brian had let himself into Killian’s room and thrown himself dramatically across her bed. “Darling,” he’d declared, “you won’t _believe_ the conversation I’ve just had.”

Killian had rolled her eyes, not bothering to look up from the sword she was cleaning. “You and your fiancé have another argument about the decorations?”

Brian scoffed in outrage. “Puce is a perfect color for a wedding!” he insisted for the fiftieth time. “But no dear, this conversation was actually with Carey.”

Killian’s ears did not perk up. They did _not,_ because she wasn’t a fucking elf, and her ears wouldn’t do anything so treacherous as _perk up_ when she heard her crush’s name. Her ears did not perk up, and her stupid heart didn’t do a flip in her stupid chest, and she would deny to the grave that her voice was at all strained when she asked, “Oh yeah? What did you guys talk about?”

“Some truly _astounding_ things,” Brian said gleefully. “I simply must tell you everything. Let’s discuss it over dinner.”

Brian had insisted she dress up nice for dinner, steamrolling right over her protests that there was no point in dressing up to go to the cafeteria. Several wardrobe changes later, Brian had finally declared her appearance suitable. Then he’d glanced at his bare wrist and cried out, “Oh, look at the time! Oh dear, I really must be going, I’m afraid I have a very important engagement, I’ll see you later darling, you look fantastic!” With that he was off, out the door and gone before Killian could get one furious word in edgewise.

Not two minutes later, Carey had knocked on her door and asked, nonchalant as anything, if Killian was free for dinner. “For a date,” Carey specified, and dragonborn don’t blush but Carey was fiddling with the hem of her shirt and acting far too casual. Killian had grinned so wide she felt she might burst from it, and said yes.

**

The light on her bracer turned blue. Killian went over to Carey, who was still sleeping peacefully, and gathered her up in her arms as gently as she could. Carey was always ridiculously light, but now, limp and unresponsive, she felt so fragile Killian was afraid of snapping her in two.

The bubble landed with a crunch on the gravelly mountainside. Killian tucked Carey’s head into the crook of her arm so it wouldn’t flop around awkwardly, then carefully lifted her up and put her in one of the back seats. She strapped Carey in, tugging on the seatbelt to be sure it wasn’t too loose. Every five seconds she stopped to check that Carey was still breathing.

After a moment’s hesitation she bent down to kiss Carey on the forehead, and whispered, “I love you.”

Then Killian pulled the lever and stepped quickly back outside, pressing the button for the bubble’s door to close as it was already rising into the air. Carey was safe now, as safe as Killian could make her. She tried to swallow down the painful lump of fear and guilt in her throat that said she shouldn’t be leaving Carey’s side, not even for a moment.

The bubble vanished into the clouds and out of sight. Killian stared after it for a while, seeing in her mind’s eye the long, curving path it would take to reach the base. Then she took a deep breath, picked up her crossbow, and went after Brian.

**Author's Note:**

> I know magic users have crappy AC and Killian's crossbow is badass, but I guess she just rolled really badly, what can I say? Also I didn't bother to look up a spell for Brian to be casting, so it's just. A sleeping spell of some sort, but very Extra because wizards.


End file.
